The Last Chapter of Book Seven
by ArthurTwoSheds
Summary: The Lovely Mrs. Rowling has mentioned that she has already written the last chapter of the seventh book. Well, so have I (nearly). Here’s what I think will happen in those last fatal moments. Humor. R&R! Revised!


**The Lovely Mrs. Rowling has mentioned that she has already written the last chapter of the seventh book. Well, so have I (nearly). Here's what I think will happen in those last fatal moments.**

_Disclaimer: Even though I sometimes dream I'm J.K. Rowling, I'm actually not (which means I do not know the last line of the seventh book, said to be "where's your scar?", but I do know, this is just rumor, not fact. I did my research.). But one time I met her, well, actually, she just signed my book, but she said she liked my sweater! (It was lime green : ) Thanks also to Jade Saunders, who revised my piece of crap._

The sky went suddenly dark. Harry recalled the time in the summer preceding his fifth year when this happened. When the dementors came...And when Geri left the Spice Girls...the whole world just came _crashing_ down around him—

He acted quickly. "Ron! Hermione! Get behind those benches!" He yelled from across the Great Hall. They were invading Hogwarts, something he'd never imagined

Ron and Hermione obeyed and jumped over tables to get below the large wooden benches. Not very good cover, but private enough for a last confession...

This is it, Harry thought as glimpsed the first dementor come gliding into the Great Hall. _Where were the students? Where were the teachers? Where was Dumbledore? They had all disappeared at the first sign of the attack. Had they really deserted Harry in his moment of need? Why? Was it his unusual smell, or his annoying habit of eating his hair during class?_ He looked over his shoulder, it seemed even his two best friends had gone missing.

The dementors quickly closed ranks around him, followed by several dozen death eaters. In the very back came Voldemort, with his gleaming red eyes.

"Well, well, well, Mr. Potter. It seems as if everyone has left you, even that old sod, Dumbledore." He looked down upon Harry with triumph gleaming in eyes the color of fried juniper berries.

"He's not gone! He's here, he's hiding with everyone else, ready to attack you as soon as you make a move!" Harry bellowed back. Ironic, really, since his voice had only just changed and the bellow seemed to turn into a stifled whimper halfway through as Harry's brain shriveled to the size of a peanut.

"What a foolish boy you are. So trusting, just like your parents. You see, Dumbledore and the rest of the school are having a party in Hogsmeade. Asked me to join in, and bring a keg or two, but I said I had some unfinished business up at the school. I'm not a fan of firewhiskey, you see. Dumbledore himself gave me the spare key, said the school had gone to ruins anyway." Voldemort sneered.

Harry gasped with astonishment. _Dumbledore left him to Voldemort? He was having a party in Hogsmeade without him? What party was there without Harry? Oh, sure, there had been plenty of them, but not since he'd grown his five o'clock shadow...oh, wait, he never HAD grown a five o'clock shadow._ Oh, the humanity.

"Now," Voldemort raised his wand, "I will finally finish you off at last, then I can go home and finish my soaps in peace...You see, I've always had a bit of a thing for _The Young and the Restless..._

**MEANWHILE...**

"Ron, in case we die, I just want to say..." Hermione paused at a loss for words. Ron's hand wound slowly towards the buttons of her scarlet cardigan.

"I love you, Hermione." Ron stared into her eyes with the longing of seven years past, with the agony of a life in which he was literally the only celibate member of his household. Even SCABBERS had gotten more.

"I- I love you too, Ron. I have since the first day I met you...You're like the shredded boomslang skin in the bubbling Polyjuice Potion of my life..."

They looked deep into each other's eyes.

"RON! HERMIONE! HELP ME!" Harry's yells resounded from across the Great Hall, but they were swiftly muffled by Voldemort's hand, which seemed to be covered with a great many number of warts, most of which exuded a very strange smell, much like mouthwash but not quite mouthwash, more like that minty-freshness that you find in the RIP-SLIP-AH commercials—

"Shut up you idiot boy. They are too interested in each other to care about you. Haven't you noticed in the past seven years? They love each other and they've left you to me." Voldemort hissed.

Harry's mind reeled. _His two best friends loved each other? No it couldn't be, could it? How could he have not noticed? Sure, there were those strange noises coming from beneath Ron's sheets, but he'd always thought they were a product of his Lamaze lessons, which he apparently took twice a week in the girls' dormitories...And of course there was Hermione's parchment, which was covered in Ron's name surrounded by little hearts... But... in love? It couldn't be._

Voldemort removed his hand from Harry's mouth for fear of germs and raised his wand once again. The dementors and death eaters moved away.

"RON! HERMIONE! PLEASE...!" He tried to see them in the darkness of the Great Hall. There they were, kissing passionately, but Voldemort blocked his view.

"Now, now, you don't want to be a peeping tom, do you?" Voldemort said.

"HERMIONE! RON! I-"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Voldemort's incantation rang around the Great Hall as Harry dropped to the floor. Ron and Hermione noticed nothing but each other.

"Hermione, do you think they'll still have any butter beers left down in Hogsmeade?"

"I don't know, but let's go check." And the made their way towards the exit, making sure to step over Harry's body on the way out.


End file.
